Final Post

This will be my final post on this blog.  I don’t need it anymore, but I feel like I should provide some kind of closure for anybody who might have stumbled upon this site.  If you are here it’s most likely because you are suffering.  In my experience when I’ve discovered sites with tinnitus information they tend to just trail off.  I personally think it’s because the authors just lose interest as tinnitus becomes a non-issue for them.  Even though that’s most likely a positive thing, it leaves you guessing when you’re out there searching for answers.  I decided to just wrap things up.

Based on all of my reading and research my feeling is that everybody will pretty much go through the exact same healing process, the only difference is the speed at which you go through it.  I’m guessing that if you’re here at this site, you probably want to know the answer to some questions.   These are the questions that I would want to ask.

Q. Do you still hear ringing?

Short Answer: No.  Long Answer: I know this is the most important question.  The answer is that I hear the ringing only when I listen for it.  This may not be a satisfactory answer at this stage, but I promise that one day you will understand exactly what I am saying.  The key to getting rid of tinnitus is to stop listening to it.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

Q. What treatments or medications are you taking?

Nothing.  I take melatonin at night sometimes, but that’s just to help me sleep – not tinnitus related.  I initially took lipoflavanoids and ginko biloba but I eventually stopped taking anything.  Many doctors prescribe anti-depressants for tinnitus and I feel like this is a bad idea because you are only trading one problem (which will go away on it’s own) for a worse problem of being reliant on anti-depressants.  I feel like it drags out your healing process.

Q. Do you use masking or any other techniques to block out the ringing?

I use a fan (technically an air purifier) to sleep at night, but I don’t actually need it to sleep anymore.   It just makes me more comfortable to have a bit of background noise.  I have a small, portable fan that I take with me when I travel, which is probably the only weird thing that I do to accomodate my tinnitus.  I often don’t even need it because hotel rooms usually have heater or AC fans running anyway.  If I was stuck in an extremely quiet room I would prefer to have a fan or the TV or something going.  This is probably the only thing I feel like I haven’t let go of related to tinnitus.

Q. What diet or food considerations do you make?

None.  I gave up caffeine for about a year, but now I’m drinking a cup or two of coffee every day the same as I always did.

Q. Are there any triggers that you avoid?

I don’t avoid anything, however I do notice two consistent triggers.  Aspirin will almost always make my ears ring, which is apparently common for non-tinnitus people.  Alcohol will sometimes make me notice the ringing when I go to bed.  I don’t make any effort to avoid either of these, though.

Q. Do you avoid or have anxiety about loud sounds?

I don’t go to a lot of concerts or loud events, but when I do I wear wax earplugs.  They are super cheap at any drug store and they block out more sound than any other type of earplug.  I’m not really all that worried about it but if I know I’m going somewhere loud I just pick up a box of earplugs.  A lot of bars will have earplugs behind the bar that they’ll sell you if you forget them.

Some people develop phobias about all kinds of sounds, thinking it will make their tinnitus worse.  I don’t really think about that or worry about it.

Q. Do you hang out on any tinnitus forums or support groups?

No.  I feel like it’s helpful to initially talk with people, but at a certain point you need to focus on letting go of your tinnitus and not letting it consume your thoughts.  You can’t do that if you’re always chatting and researching tinnitus.

I was very comforted in the beginning though, so I’d encourage that if you do visit those sites to post a positive, helpful reply to somebody who has just been hit with tinnitus.

Q. Is there anything you do to deal with tinnitus?

For a long time going to the gym was extremely helpful.  The noise of machines in the gym drowns out the ringing and it feels very good to get in shape.  I’d definitely recommend exercise as a treatment.

Q. Does tinnitus bother you at all?

I occasionally notice it enough that it’s a minor annoyance.  I don’t feel any of the sense of fear or claustrophobia that I felt when I first got tinnitus.

So, that’s pretty much it.  I almost never look at this blog or check the comments so don’t worry if you post a reply and I don’t get back quickly.  Trust me when I say that you’ll be fine though.  Your tinnitus will become a non-issue in your life regardless of what you do.  The more you go out and live your life, the less tinnitus will impact you.  Take care and good luck to you!

Onward

I’m at month 9 and I feel like my brain is partially “re-wired” but somewhat confused about the ringing.  I feel like my mind can almost block out the sound but sometimes the signals come through in different ways.  I rarely hear an actual tone anymore, often it sounds like a hissing sound.  It sometimes sounds like somebody just turned up the highest frequency on the stereo EQ to 10.  I visualize this is my mind, neurons or whatever starting to just shut off the connections that create the ringing.  But it’s not there yet, it’s in a half-way state.

I’ve stopped taking lipoflavinoid this week because I want to observe if it is helping or not.  I’ve felt like it really did help, but also kinda wondered if that’s just a placebo effect.  I’ve decided to go cold turkey for a while and see how it goes.  So far I feel like since I stopped I’ve had a backslide.  I’ve noticed the ringing more in the evenings than I have for a few months.  But that could be just that I’m focusing on this little “experiment.”  It’s only been 3 days and I feel like I should give it a few weeks.  I’m still taking ginko biloba in the mornings and melatonin at night.

I feel like a pattern has started where I go a few weeks nearly forgetting all about tinnitus.  Then I have 3-4 days where the ringing is more noticeable and starts to annoy me.  I don’t have any fear reaction whatsoever like I did, so it’s truly just an intermittent annoyance and nothing more.  I feel like those 3-4 days, though, causes my brain to have to work even harder to block out the sound.  After those 3-4 days the volume goes down even more than it was before the backslide.  It’s a two steps forward, one step back kinda thing.

How to Ignore Tinnitus

I’ve continued to work on my theory of simply refusing to hear tinnitus.  That means never allowing myself to check the volume, never testing to see if it is still there.

I suppose I may be in the first stages of what is called habituation – meaning I often don’t notice the ringing even though it is still there.  Sometimes I go for a few hours or an entire day simply forgetting that I have this condition.  Other times it is there in the background but I am able to tune it out.  Bad days where I am bothered by the sound are becoming infrequent.

As far as “tuning it out” the best way I can describe my process is that it is like the “Magic Eye” posters that were popular in the 90’s.  The picture initially looks like random patterns but when you focus your eyes in a certain way you see a hidden 3D image jumping off of the page.  When someone first sees a book or poster like this it usually takes deep concentration to focus their eyes at a point beyond the physical poster and see the hidden image.  Sometimes you need some aid to see it like putting your finger in front of your eyes to focus on that instead of the poster.  After a while it becomes easier and you can focus your eyes more quickly with less effort and no aids.  Eventually if you keep looking at them you can instantly focus on the 3D image without any effort.  Since I had such a poster in my room, I did eventually reach the stage where I could just glance over and see the hidden image without any conscious effort.  Yet I would watch people stand in front of that poster for hours struggling to see the image until they finally got it!

Ignoring the ringing sound is exactly the same concept to me.  Initially it was as though I was staring at the poster without any clue as to how bring it into focus, meaning I couldn’t figure out how to ignore the ringing.  Fortunately (or unfortunately) with tinnitus you have plenty of time to practice. After a few months but I started to notice that I can focus on external sounds and suppress the ringing – even if those sounds are not as loud as the ringing.  During this time I was using a lot of fans everywhere I went as masking noise.  I began to be extremely aware of all sounds around me to the point where I think my hearing has improved – or at least I have become much more aware of ambient sounds in my environment.

I am at a stage now where I don’t need as much masking and have stopped my fans except for sleeping.  The slightest hiss from a vent fan, music, TV, road noise, etc is often enough give me a focus point and suppress the ringing.  I can feel it becoming more subconscious as time goes on and the improvement seems to be exponential.  The better I get at suppressing, the easier it becomes.  It can be tricky because the less you think about tinnitus, the easier it is to ignore.  It’s a catch-22 because you are trying to NOT think about something.  It’s really helpful to do things – even simply activities like cooking, taking a walk or just talking to somebody on the phone.

I am at a point now where I’ve gone for a month feeling positive and tinnitus has not been affecting my life in a major way.  This is a very positive change from a few months ago where I was constantly distressed.  I have some minor backslides now and again, particularly if I am really tired.  But every backslide seems to be followed by even greater improvement.  My backslides are getting less severe as well and not causing me the panic they used to.  When I do have a rough day I remind myself that they only make me stronger.

My goal is to reach the point where I can still suppress the ringing in total silence.  I can already do this if I am busy doing something.  If I am just sitting still in a silent room doing nothing (using the restroom, etc) then it is difficult for me.  (Btw, I generally turn the faucet on a tiny amount while I’m in the bathroom and I can’t hear the ringing at all)  When I am able to suppress the ringing even in total silence, basically my brain re-wiring will be complete, I’ll be habituated and the tinnitus will be gone.  Perhaps it will still be there, but I won’t hear it so that’s the same thing as far as I’m concerned.

Progression

It has been a while since I’ve written anything.  Basically it has been 6 months of tinnitus however the past month I have seen how it is can really be reduced to a minor annoyance at most.  If you had told me this the first month that I would still have this 6 months later I’m not sure how I would have reacted.  My first few months were dominated with feelings of panic, anxiety, depression.

At some point last month all of those negative feelings just vanished and with them I have started to go most days without really giving tinnitus much thought.  I have started to feel like myself again and enjoying life once more.  I actually have stopped using fans for masking everywhere except at night when I sleep.  If I am in a room with any level of noise at all now I can pretty much ignore the ringing.  I can even go for short periods of time in a quiet room, although if I just sit in total silence then I can’t suppress it for very long.  I’ve noticed that hardly any space is totally quiet, though, there are always vent fans and sounds.

I had some real breakthrough moments when I started working again on my music and film editing, which requires great concentration on audio.  Originally I was running fans while I worked, which makes it difficult to hear properly for one thing, but as I worked I finally just turned off the fans and worked in silence.  Concentrating on the music and dialog audio I totally forgot about tinnitus for several hours.  I did this for about a week until my current project was done and it seems to have had residual affects and strengthened my ability to ignore the ringing.

I haven’t been writing here because I’ve been trying to shift my focus away from tinnitus, which I think is important.  Unfortunately the past two days I have had a really minor relapse and, though it hasn’t brought back those horrible feelings this time, I have been thinking about it too much.  But I’m noticing a pattern that with each relapse, I come back even stronger.  Even now in this state I barely, if at all “hear” the ringing, but rather it is more of an irritating sensation that takes a little more effort to suppress.  I visualize that my brain is continuing to re-wire.

Sneak Volume Check

I discovered a while ago that my tinnitus volume was affected by how I hold my jaw.   I think this has something to do with the angle of my ear canal and how that blocks ambient noise.  I know that TMJ and tinnitus are suspected to have some connection.

I found that when I push my bottom jaw forward the ringing would get really loud.  I started to develop a habit of moving my jaw around to see if I could find a quiet spot.  But, it occurred to me after a while that what I really was doing was checking the volume level, which is of course my golden rule – never check the volume!  So I have stopped doing that.

It’s really hard to resist the temptation on a “good” day to think to yourself “hey, maybe my tinnitus has finally gone away… let me give it a check!”   But all that happens is that it tunes in the ringing and it is usually the end of your good, quiet day.  I find it to be anti-productive and can cause obsessiveness, which is exactly what you don’t want.

Periods of Quiet

An interesting thing started happening over the past few days which is that I have woken up and not really heard the ringing – to the point where I have skipped my normal routine of turning on fans or air purifiers everywhere I go.  Usually I head upstairs and immediately turn on the air purifier.  I haven’t done that the past two days, I just got ready without all the white noise.  I’ve even made it all the way through lunch without noticing much of anything.  I know the ringing is still there and I am not just sitting around in total silence, but the level of background necessary to block out the ringing has decreased.

Admittedly I do not ever check or test the level which is my Rule #1 so even if my tinnitus were to go away, it is possible that I would not even know!  What I do know is that I have not had to put much effort towards ignoring it, which is wonderful.  I have been in good spirits for most of the past week.

It is evening now and I can hear ringing again.  But even still it is not so much a tone, but more like a very high frequency hissing sound.  This seems to be the pattern of the moment.  The ringing slowly comes back as the day wears on.  Maybe my brain gets tired after a full day?  I’m not sure what is going on but it seems to be a positive trend.

It’s Not the Sound

My problem with tinnitus is not really the ringing sound itself, rather my reaction to it.  I still have a fear reaction.  When I hear it I sometimes become depressed and in extreme situations I feel mild panic.  (Though to be fair I have not been having extreme situations lately)  In order to “refuse to listen” to the ringing I generally need a distraction such as background noise, music, TV, exercise, walks, talking, etc.  That is the case for now, but I hope that I won’t need these crutches forever and that I will be able to relax in quiet spaces.

I am beginning to think that a two-prong approach is needed.  First is learning to tune out the ringing.  I am becoming a champion at that.  The second is to learn to accept the sound and not stress about it.  With that I am still struggling.  I hope that learning to tune it out will give me confidence and that the second goal is something that will simply happen with time.  It seems like my brain will eventually just get bored with the sound and it will cease to cause any reaction from me.

A friend of the family told me a few weeks ago that she has had tinnitus for 20 years and it runs in the family.  She said that in a quiet room at work it is sometimes so loud that she can’t hear people speaking directly to her.  Yet it doesn’t bother her in the slightest.  I would have to think that she cannot hear them due to hearing loss and not necessarily because the ringing sound is so loud, but there is no way for me to know.  Either way, it is impressive that she is such a happy person and seems to be not bothered in the slightest.

Beat Box Therapy

Fans, white noise, music, TV and outdoor sounds keep me from having to listen to the screeching in my ears all day.  However if I do wind up in a totally quiet location, the ringing can come back and is sometimes difficult to suppress it again.  So I try to avoid allowing the ringing to come into my conscious awareness.  (This is part of my general philosophy of refusing to listen to tinnitus.)

When I do find myself in a very quiet space (certain rooms in my home, my closet, etc) I don’t really have access to a fan or other white noise.  What I will sometimes do is “beat box” to myself.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s simply making drum noises with your mouth.  I have no skill as a beat boxer, but I can make clicking noises and make up drum rhythms.  You can also hum or whistle a tune.  I suppose it’s possible I could use it to my advantage and try to become a proficient beat box artist!

Things are Changing…?

I had an interesting weekend where beginning on Friday I went three days barely noticing my tinnitus. I don’t really allow myself to believe that the ringing is going away anymore.  I did that a lot in the beginning and when the ringing was loud again the next day I would become very depressed.  I know that the ringing is not gone, but my brain is perhaps growing stronger and learning to re-wire itself.  I am able to ignore the sound fairly easily most of the time.  I have been in a pretty good mood the past few days as well.  It feels like a fog of hopelessness started to lift last week that has been there for about 3 months since my tinnitus started.

I woke up at 2am last night and my left ear was ringing, but I did some deep breathing and relaxed, read a few pages of a book and went back to sleep fairly quickly.  Today there is very minor ringing which is barely enough to be annoying.  It seems like these “bad” days are becoming less frequent and less severe.  The ringing rarely seems “loud” anymore during the day and sounds more like a hissing sound much of the time.  At night with my ear to the pillow is the exception – the ringing can get loud at times.  It has not been affecting my sleep very much either, and I tend to wake up the next morning with low to no ringing.

Right now I am refusing to listen to the ringing.  In my mind I picture it this way – the reason I have poor control it is because I’ve never needed to use this part of my brain before and it is “weak” as it were.  Just as you have to strengthen your muscles, I have to strengthen my mind to focus (or divert focus).

Head Thumping

I found a trick online to help with tinnitus which is basically “thumping” the back of your head with your fingers.  Basically you snap your fingers against the back of your head.

I do have to say that it is somewhat interesting.  For one thing when I thump my fingers against my head I hear a “ping!” sound that is at the frequency of my ringing followed by a second or two of silence.  It does seem to provide a distraction which sometimes is enough.

Video Demonstration: http://health.learninginfo.org/images/tinnitus.mpg

Source: http://health.learninginfo.org/tinnitus.htm